- Hi. - Hi.
- Namaste. - Namaste.
You, too.
Oh, fabulous. Great.
If you don't mind, there are slippers just there.
Just any of these?
Uh-huh.
I like those.
Go get the stroller.
Okay.
We brought you something.
Oh, my God. How...
Oh, my God.
Okay, all right, I'm sorry.
Why don't we just put it on the porch?
Okay.
They had it in blue. But...
Just a little further away.
Okay.
All right, come on.
Okay.
Let's go upstairs and meet Roderick.
Okay.
Hello.
Honey.
Hi.
Hey.
I don't think we've met.
Oh, yes, we have.
Burning Man, '97.
This is a big bed.
We are a Continuum home.
What is that? Continuum?
Yes.
Continuum.
Yes.
The Continuum movement recognizes that
the world will give your baby plenty of alienation and despair in good time,
so while we can, we should hold them close.
So, it's the three "S's," no separation, no sugar, no strollers.
They gave us a stroller.
Oh!
What is wrong with strollers?
Burts, I love my babies.
Why would I want to push them away from me?
And you wonder why this country is so dysfunctional.
Because of strollers?
Mama,
in this house we carry our babies.
We hold them close.
What about sleeping?
This is where they sleep. We practice family bed.
So what if the two of you want to,
you know? Be alone?
Do you go out to the car?
No, Verona.
We don't go out to the car.
Are you planning on hiding your lovemaking from your kids?
Are you guys making love?
It can be so great in the sixth month.
Hmm.
And it is so important to expose your kids to sexuality,
especially in utero.
Do you know what it does to a child
to have their parents' expression of love kept a secret?
No.
Oh! Well,
that's why I have an Electra complex.
Oh, babe.
It is okay. It's okay.
Which one's that, again?
I think that is when a woman wants to do her father.
Do you mean "Oedipal complex"?
Don't... Don't try and diagnose me, Verona.
Why the seahorses, Rod?
In the seahorse community,
the males give birth.
The female inserts her ovipositor into the male's brood pouch.
That's where she deposits her eggs.
If I could,
I would lay my eggs in your brood pouch.
I know you would.
Don't...
Don't, don't, don't.
So, have you chosen a doula?
I already had one. A little weird, but good.
A doula, Burtie, not a dolma.
We are not using a doula.
Really? Who is your midwife?
Oh, no, no. Midwives and doulas are for when the husband is clueless
or doesn't want to be involved.
And I'm neither of those things.
I'm really looking forward to being involved.
That's great, Burtie. I totally understand, and I think that's great,
but don't you think Verona might want someone there
who really understands the female experience?
Oh! There's this great Simone de Beauvoir quote.
I can't remember the book, but I'll find it for you.
It's something like, "One is not born, but becomes, a woman. ' '
What does that have to do with...
But it is worth it.
The pain is so enlightening. And now, having experienced childbirth,
I watch CNN and I really feel like I understand war.
On top of which, when I had Wolfie, I had the most enormous orgasm.
It was so beautiful.
This soup is delicious.
Alice Walker said, "There's nothing more important than how we enter this world. ' '
And I agree with her.
And my mom had a hospital birth.
The stirrups, the machines, the drugs.
And she wonders why I can't walk into a dry cleaner's without vomiting.
Okay, can that maybe be the last bit of parental advice we get tonight?
Just a... Just a thought.
Honey? Are you counting on this job interview tomorrow?
Where is it?
Mutual Choice. No, not really.
Because I'm already doing fine.
This would just be a better commission rate.
Commission rate.
What is it again, exactly, that you do, Rod?
What do you mean? How do I "make my living"?
Yes. That's exactly what I mean.
Don't worry, Wolf. You won't ever have to do anything like that.
- Like... "Anything like that"? - Roderick...
Like fearmongering.
Fearmongering?
- Or skimming. - Roderick, honey?
Cajoling? Billing?
Roderick...
Are you being serious?
Roderick, Roderick.
It's so easy to forget how great the economic divide is these days.
These guys have nothing.
How should we expect them to know anything about anything?
And Verona lost her parents.
Honey, how old were you when they died?
Twenty-two. Why?
Oh, you poor thing.
I was just wondering how much your mama was able to pass on to you
about motherhood before she died.
Your people have such a wonderful oral tradition.
Okay, that's it! That's it!
You are a terrible person. Did you know that? You are terrible people.
And Verona? She is twice the woman that you'll ever be!
Because this whole thing... I just... I never... I'm sorry because...
And this guy! Look at him!
Oh, honey.
Burt.
We are leaving. And I hate these slippers!
What is going on?
You know what? If I have to explain it to you Looney Tunes, just forget it.
All right. Just fly away, Burtie.
Fly away. And take that shitty stroller with you.
Gladly! You fucking lunatic!
Actually, I forgot something!
Burt, honey. Honey, what are you doing?
Hey, Wolfie. Want to get in the stroller?
Wolfie, you... No...
Just take a little ride.
Wolfie, don't listen to him. It's okay.
It will be really fun, like a tiny sports car.
Do not get out of that chair.
Honey, you do exactly as you like.
Sweetheart. Sweetheart! Listen to your heart!
Listen to your heart...
There we go!
Not in this house! No! I'm gonna go in the stroller!
No! I will not let you do that in my house!
That's good! And there he goes!
Burt, Burt... I reject your aggression.
I reject your unbelievable bullshit!
No! Wolfie! Yes!
Wolfie, did you have fun?
Because you won't have that much fun until you discover oral pleasure!
This was great!
What a horse's ass.
That was cool.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Hi. - Hey.
So, how did it go?
Good.
- Yeah? - Really good.
So, did they offer you the job?
Yeah.
- Yeah? - They probably will.
I just need some time to think about it a little bit.
So, they're probably going to offer you the job?
They are ready to. They just need a couple of days for arrangements
and formalities.
So, they didn't offer you the job?
No.
I'm really sorry I brought you here, Verona.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Burt.
It is not your fault.
So, this place isn't for us. So, now we know.
I think Montreal is going to be way better. It will.
You know what I hear they have in Montreal?
You know what they put on their French fries there?
Mayonnaise?
Nope. Better.
Gravy.
You know, I had a dream about Montreal last week?
- Really? - Yeah.
What was it about?
Well, it was a bunch of things.
Was I topless in it?
Yes.
Sorry.
We did it. Sorry.
We're just having a baby.
It's okay.
Holy shit!
Is this their house?
We went to college with these guys. How can they be so grown up?
While we are so...
Stunted?
Confused? Immature?
American?
Do it again.
- That's awesome. - Wow!
Hey, Camille. Cammie. Remember us?
Should we come in?
Okay.
They are in their room. Mom's going to wear a little skirt.
Okay.
The sun has gone to bed
And so must I
So long, farewell
Auf wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye
There she is.
- Verona, you look amazing. - Thanks.
Perfect. Perfect.
Hey.
Good to see you.
It's great to see you. Here, watch this.
Goodbye
All right. Yeah.
Hey, great job.
Hey, everybody. This is Verona and Burt.
Your mom and I went to school with them.
Say hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Get yourselves some pizza. - Ooh! Pizza.
Pizza. What's up, James?
You're in the middle.
Hey, so, the movie ends when the von Trapps go to sleep?
Yeah, we sort of skipped it.
You skipped the Nazis?
We kind of figured, "What's the point?"
It is just that we think they could live a few more happy years
before, you know, Juicy Couture and Hitler.
Excuse me. Do you know the way to San Jose?
Where did you get that?
She has never done this before.
You are seeing this for the first time.
Who's underneath? Who's underneath?
Come here.
Tie him up.
Verona! Verona! Help!
Isn't that cute?
- Mama! Mama! - Now what's...
Hi!
Hi, Munch.
Oh, Verona. Look at you! You look so good!
Thanks.
I can't believe you are six months in. I know.
You look amazing. Where's Burt?
You do, too.
I think he's been taken hostage over here.
Oh, hi.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I have all this gear at home. I do this to relax.
This is the family I want. Every part of it. All those kids.
All those ages. Everyone draped over each other, just taking care of each other.
- So, you want to adopt? - Yeah.
All right. So we will just trade this one in and we will get whatever we want.
No, I want her and them, too. This is a family.
Yeah, it works. It's real.
We should move here. Montreal.
Think of that.
Do you still find time to go out?
We're out a lot, I guess.
I mean, it depends. You have to find the balance
because the kids want you there, but not all the time.
They need air as much as you do.
Should we tell them?
I think we're moving here.
- To Montreal? - Yeah.
We already won the competition. Over Madison. Over Phoenix.
Hell, yeah!
You guys! That is wonderful!
Let us toast. Does anyone know a toast?
Okay. So, yay for Burt and Verona moving here,
probably, if they are not stupid.
- Yay! - Yay!
Oh!
Two more of these? I love this...
Trombone, man. I love the trombone.
- I was just about to say that! - It is amazing, right?
The 'bone!
We don't know, actually. We weren't 100% trying.
I mean, we wanted to have a baby.
It just sort of came ahead of schedule.
Have you had any problems so far?
No. No. Not so far.
It's been great.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
That's wonderful. That's...
Ladies, I have an announcement.
We need real food.
She said, "Mrs. Farlander, your husband requests... "
What do you mean, "Mrs. Farlander"?
- You're still not married? - No.
We talked about this. We talked about this.
No. Why don't you propose?
When are you going to propose?
Propose?
All I do is propose. Are you kidding?
Watch this. Watch. Watch this.
- Verona. - Yeah?
You really are the love of my life.
Thanks, honey.
- Will you marry me? - No.
- Wow. - What?
That actually stings.
Is this true?
It's you who's behind this.
I can't see the point.
That's romantic.
Well, there isn't any, really. I mean...
Well, not unless you have parents who care one way or the other.
Which you don't.
But your wedding was so good.
- Really good. - Yeah, it was.
It was really good. The wedding was good. Marriage is great.
But what you need to be happy, and sane, is this.
- What is that? - This?
Okay, watch this. Here is you two guys.
Really?
No...
Okay, here is you two guys.
Stop.
Okay, so you kiss, you do other things and then you make a baby.
The baby comes in there and he nestles in.
And you guys hug and get real tight. And then we do this.
And this. There...
- And this... - Are those the bedposts?
It's your house. Now what is this?
- Is that a home? Is that a family? - Yeah.
No. No, of course not. That's just the raw material.
The people, the walls, the furniture. Okay, so that's the basics.
But that's not a home. That's not a family.
What binds it all together is this.
Awesome. That's awesome.
- This is love. - I knew it.
Yes, here we go.
This is your love, guys.
Here it comes. The patience, your consideration, your better selves.
Man, you just have no idea how good you can be.
But you have to use all of it. All of it.
It's not like simple masonry,
where you use a little layer of mortar between each row of bricks.
No. With this, you have to use tons of it.
For every brick, there's a half-ton of mortar.
I thought we were doing syrup.
Mortar, syrup. Syrup, mortar. It is all the same. It's the glue.
It's all those good things you have in you.
The love,
the wisdom, the generosity. The selflessness.
The patience. Patience.
At 3:00 a. m. when everyone's awake because Ibrahim is sick
and he can't find the bathroom and he just puked in Katya's bed.
- Patience when you blink... - It was awful.
When you blink and it's 5:30 and it is time to get up again,
and you know you're going to be tired all day, all week, all your fucking life.
And you are thinking, "What happened to Greece?
"What happened to swimming naked off the coast of Greece?"
And you have to be willing to make the family out of whatever you have.
You have to be so much better than you ever thought.
Right?
Wow, I've never done this before.
It's like dance karaoke?
It's Montreal.
World capital of this kind of shit.
Montreal, baby.
Oh! Now listen, are there going to be any... Is this just dudes?
No, no, no. It's not that those guys weren't enjoyable.
No, plenty of girls coming. I swear.
Okay.
I hope so. No, there's girls coming.
Where's 'Rona?
I think she's in the bathroom.
Where's Munch?
I have no fucking idea.
Uh-oh.
She had another miscarriage.
What?
When?
Thursday.
This Thursday?
Yeah.
This is her fifth.
I know she loves all those kids like they were her own blood,
but I wonder if we have been selfish.
People like us, we wait until our 30s,
and then we are surprised when the babies aren't so easy to make anymore.
And every day another million 14-year-olds get pregnant without trying.
It's terrible feeling this helpless, man.
You just watch these babies grow, and then...
Then fade.
And you don't know if you're supposed to name them
or bury them, or...
I'm sorry.
Well, you have every right to be pissed.
Or worse.
Yeah... Damn right, I'll be there.
You're my brother, for God's sake. Come on.
This afternoon. Yeah, well, we're leaving as soon as 'Rona wakes up.
No, will you stop? Hey, you're always paying, all right?
I'll pay. I can swing it.
Wait, hold on a second. I think she is up.
- What's going on? - It's my brother.
I'm telling her right now. Helena left him.
What?
We're going to Miami.
What happened?
I spy with my little eye
something that is blue.
You... You didn't see this coming, did you?
I mean, she was normal, right?
Oh, yeah. Definitely. Yeah.
Do you have any idea how many times I've checked my messages?
It's a tick now. It's, like, 10 times an hour.
I've got all the lines bouncing to my cell.
The weird thing is, part of me is so angry,
I never want to hear her name again.
But if she came back tomorrow and said she was sorry,
I would be so fucking relieved.
Well, Annabelle seems to be doing great.
I know. It's even weirder.
Well, what did you tell her?
I told her it was a business trip.
I made the mistake of telling her she'd be five days.
I actually thought that was a conservative estimate.
I thought I would have it figured out by then.
But then five days go by and she wants to know where her mom is.
So I told her that Grandpa died.
You told her Dad died?
No, no, no, Helena's father.
Oh!
Listen, Burt,
I really need your help.
I mean, if she's really gone for good,
I gotta know what to tell Belle.
And it is wrong to say that her mom was murdered, right?
Yes. I think that would be traumatic.
Yeah, but there's finality there.
"Where is my crown? I simply cannot find my crown.
"Oh, brother, I just swallowed another fly. ' '
And to that the crab replied...
"You will never find your crown, Frog,
"because I have hid it under the ocean. ' '
And then they fought.
"Give me your tongue. Give me your tongue, Frog. ' '
"That's my tongue. ' ' "I have your tongue. ' '
And then they made up. "Bullfrog, I have to admit something.
"You're my best friend. ' ' "I still love you. ' '
"I'm really sorry about that, Frog. I've always loved your eyes. ' '
"Don't worry about it. ' '
"Thank you very much. ' ' "Thank you. Thank you very much. ' '
"Thank you. Be sure to tip your waitress. ' '
Say good night to Uncle Burp and Verona.
- Good night, Bella. - Good night, Daddy.
- Good night, Bella. - Good night.
Good night, chicken.
Could you stay a little longer?
Sure.
I'll stay with you.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man
Thank you.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you
- Did you see this? - What's that?
Oh, wow! Look at that.
Man, she is so cute.
Yeah.
She just took that on Monday.
Remember when we had to wait weeks for the school pictures?
Oh, yeah. It was...
Hey. What's that on her lip?
Carrot juice.
Yeah, so that's the picture.
Oh!
Yeah, I didn't see the carrot juice on her mouth when she left the house.
I'm never going to see stuff like that.
Moms see the carrot juice on their daughters' mouths.
Moms know when they aren't dressed right.
Moms go shopping with them, and make sure their hair doesn't look all spazzy.
In one fell swoop, Helena has changed
this girl's life from a normal one,
where she can be popular and all that,
to the distinct likelihood that she's going to be introverted.
A poor dresser.
One of those kids that looks all longingly
at the girls with the new shoes and the right backpack.
Well, at least it's just carrot juice, right?
I mean, it's not whiskey or glue.
It's just the beginning, though.
I'm going to be spending every waking moment trying to reconstruct a normal life.
But that little girl in there will always be the girl without a mom.
Into my own parade cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there's no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you
Yeah? Well, the fact that I'm even calling this late
means it's important, doesn't it?
I think so.
What's your name? I already know, 'cause I... Listen, you know what?
Well, I think you know more than you're letting on. How about that?
Burt?
So... Hello?
- Burt. - Damn it!
Burt, what are you doing?
Calling everyone she knew.
Her old company. Her friends.
At midnight?
Right. The element of surprise.
Well, can you stop, please?
I mean, what kind of goddamned person leaves her daughter?
I don't know. Maybe not such a strong person. Please stop.
And you know what the worst of it is?
There is nothing we can do about it.
Because she is gone. And this family can't be fixed. And that is it.
And what if one of us freaks out like that?
We won't.
It can be fixed. And you know it.
Thank you.
Burt.
It's okay.
Look at me, please.
But really?
I mean, what if something happens to one of us and just makes us go crazy?
I mean, what if I'm walking by a construction site and something falls,
and then my frontal lobe gets chopped off and my personality's altered
and then I'm not a good dad?
What happens then?
Well, be careful walking near construction sites.
What about Munch?
She'll be careful walking near construction sites, too.
No, really.
I mean, don't you just look at her and want to give her
everything that she's ever wanted?
It is so incredibly unfair that she can't...
Yeah, you're right.
It's unfair that she can't have a baby
and that bad parents still get to be parents
and good parents die when their daughters are in college. So what?
I'm sorry, 'Rona.
Look, all we can do is be good for this one baby.
We don't have control over much else.
Will you marry me? At least.
Never.
- I will never leave you. - Yeah.
I promise.
No, I know.
You...
You promised never to marry me because you don't want to get married
without your parents there. I get that.
You promise never to leave me.
Do you promise to never leave this baby that we are having?
I promise.
I do.
Do you promise
to stop talking about your ability to find or not find my vagina after I give birth?
I do.
Do you promise to let me cobble...
Carve.
...to carve in my spare time,
and teach our daughter the lore of the great Mississippi?
I do.
Do you promise never to develop a thing for seahorses?
I do.
Good.
Do you promise to let our daughter be fat or skinny
or any weight at all? Because we want her to be happy, no matter what.
Being obsessed with weight is just too cliché for our daughter.
Yes, I do.
Do you promise, when she talks,
you'll listen? Like, really listen,
especially when she's scared?
And that her fights will be your fights?
I do.
And do you promise that if I die some embarrassing and boring death
that you're gonna tell our daughter that her father was killed
by Russian soldiers in this intense hand-to-hand combat
in an attempt to save the lives of 850 Chechnyan orphans?
I do.
Chechnyan orphans. I do.
I do.
We had an orange tree.
Who?
When we were kids.
My dad was really proud of it.
He planted it one spring, and he used to go out there first thing every morning,
see if any oranges had grown. But nothing ever grew.
The thing was sickly or something, or the soil wasn't right.
One morning, my mom woke Grace and me up really early,
like, at 5:00,
and she led us out to the tree with these two grocery bags filled with oranges,
and pineapples and grapes and melons, for some reason.
And we just hung all the fruit from the tree using tape and string.
It worked, actually.
And then we all ran into the truck and we slouched down
and we just waited for my dad to come out.
What did he say?
Well, he stared at it for a full minute,
just staring at it.
I think at first he thought they were real,
like the tree had burst into fruit overnight,
and then, I guess he saw the pineapples or something,
and he just started laughing harder than we'd ever heard him laugh.
And Grace and I just ran out of the truck, squealing.
And my mom just...
And from then on,
every once in a while one of us would hang fruit from there.
Usually something plastic, like pears
or strawberries or bananas.
Is this starting to look familiar?
I think so. God, I want it to.
But I want it to be new. You know?
New for us.
New enough to feel like we found it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
You ready?
I am.
Are you?
Yes, I am.
God, I forgot how beautiful it is.
This place is perfect for us.
Don't you think?
I hope so.
I really fucking hope so.
Transcription modified by: guilty57 www.divxplanet.com